So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
