my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
