my soul wont recognize me after tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
