last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
