my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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