Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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