I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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