mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
