Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my poor anus
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
