rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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