i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
