i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
