Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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