Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
