alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
