Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
