Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
