3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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