she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
