Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
