Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize