I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize