Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
