it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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