oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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