Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
