Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
