did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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