quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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