I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize