grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
