It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
