Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
