I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
