Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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