When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
