you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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