Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
