You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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