You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
