He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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