We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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