Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
