you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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