why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
