I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
