You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize