He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
His nipple licking is glorious
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