singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize