If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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