she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
