Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
