i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
