Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
