if i can run in heels then i can drive
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
