And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
