I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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