Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
