you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
