You made me cry and you don't even care
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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