Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
