I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
