Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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