A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
