then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i out mim tonsoeep
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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