i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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